Why do so many of us celebrate on New Year’s Eve?  Why do we hold graduation ceremonies and bridging ceremonies and parties when major milestones have been met or something comes to an end?  Why are funerals so important?  What is it about crossing a finish line that is so alluring?  And what happens to us after we do, or, if we don’t?

I have a coaching client who, after thirty years, went back to walk across the stage to pick up his diploma (symbolically this time). He’d skipped this step in his doctoral graduation experience. For whatever reason, he’d dismissed it as unimportant, yet, somehow, over those thirty years, it took up space in his psyche, nagging at him as a regret, or as somehow incomplete.

Incompletes weigh on us because they are usually tied to agreements, or promises we made to ourselves, or others, and did not keep, or they represent the ending of an arc in one’s life that, when not acknowledged, is not allowed to actually end. Incompletes create integrity issues (integrity here has to do with the idea of feeling whole, complete or in alignment/agreement).  While my client may have “finished” his education and received his diploma and is, therefore, a finisher, there is something about the process of bearing witness to this, and allowing others to bear witness to it, that is part of the completion process.

Much like a graduation ceremony, in this process of completing, or honoring an ending, there is a combination of grieving (we’re at an ending; it’s over; it’ll never be this way again; we may never see each other again) and celebration (wow, we did it/I did it; what a ride!)  Perhaps some of us want to avoid the feelings and the idea of an ending? Perhaps some of us are simply exhausted and just want to be done? And, perhaps something really is done and we simply need to acknowledge it and take it “off the lists” in our heads and our hearts so its no longer taking up space? The reasons are always personal.

This is why I have made a year-end reflection experience, or a completion ceremony, a regular part of our family’s life, and a practice I am committed to honoring in mine.  I’ve created various tools for this over the years and have shared them with family, friends and clients. If nothing else, doing this creates another way to bring people together and have more meaningful conversations – it’s that “way in” that gets you beyond the light, cocktail party or quick, dinner conversations.

The tool we’ve been using has two parts.  The first part encourages reflection on the year that’s about to pass or that just passed (you could easily apply this to an event, a project, or some other time bounded initiative). The second part encourages planning for the new year. Both processes are simple and sharing what you create can be a lot of fun and a meaningful experience.

I will share the year-end reflection steps here and encourage you to do this both on your own and with others, ideally, out loud.  I will share the new year planning process with you in our next blog article.

Year –End Reflection Steps:

1.     List your top 5 Proudest Moments (of the past year – anything goes, however “big” or “little”)

2.     List your top 5 Accomplishments (of the past year)

3.     Write a sentence or a paragraph or two about who you had to be for these (proudest moments and accomplishments) to happen? In other words, ask yourself, “What was required of me to accomplish these things and/or invite these experiences into my life?

4.     List the top 5 things you’re grateful for (the roses – roses are the obvious, feel-good things)

5.     List the top 5 things you’re grateful for (the thorns – thorns are the less obvious, seemed-bad-at-the-time things that have gifts in them, lessons learned, a new friend or a new ah-ha moment)

As always, if you feel moved to share your reflections with us, please do!  We may even publish a few of them here in a future blog!

May your new year be filled with roses and thorns and the wisdom and patience to know them as the blessings that they are.

Love,

Dori

P.S. – Come visit us at www.worldclassparenting.com to find out more about how to become a professional parent leader – adults who are committed to empowerment through conscious parenting, partnering and leadership, and who are proud to make professional parenting the priority in their lives.

World Class Parenting: elevating the role of the parent; reversing the decline of the family; bringing more harmony into our homes.

Tags: arcs and endings, celebrating successes, new year planning, satisfaction, tools for families, Year-End Reflection

This entry was posted on Monday, January 10th, 2011 at 11:41 pm and is filed under 2011 Blog Articles, Dori Klass. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.