Dear Dori and Frank:

My husband and I seem to be at odds in the way we parent our two children.  He has always left the discipline up to me, but, I find that many times he overrides my decisions on children’s activities when the kids complain to him.  This creates friction between us and most of the time makes me look like the “bad guy.”  What would a World Class Parent Do?

Frustrated Michigan Mom

Dear Frustrated Michigan Mom:

This is a common challenge World Class Parent leaders face.  When children begin to exercise their thoughtful powers of persuasion they realize that sometimes one parent might be manipulated to agree over another.  They test this with friends or hear of friends using this “technique” with their parents, so why not try it on their own?  For World Class Parents, the teachable moment comes when they recognize the manipulation and respond with the lesson.

The first part of the lesson will be achieved when you and your husband create an agreement with each other on dealing with activity decisions, including how you choose to inform the children about YOUR agreement.  As the “Anchor Parent,” who has been selected to maintain structure in the household, you are vulnerable to being viewed as the “bad guy” unless both you and Michigan Dad determine the roles each play in the family and get in agreement first.  This is a sacred act.  When this is accomplished, the only responses to activities are, “Have you discussed this with your mother?” or, “I will discuss this with your mother and WE will let you know OUR decision.”

Leaders understand that creating a reliable structure and being consistent with the ‘rules’ maintains a level and fair playing field for all, sets standards of behavior and excellence, and provides an environment of safety and security for all. This paves the way to higher levels of performance and more harmony.

The basis for this scenario and all others like it are contained in the World Class Parenting Cornerstone Principles 1 and 3, Sacred Agreements and Maintaining Lifelong Influence.  We touch on these in our e-Book, Stepping Into the World Class Parenting Mindset: How to be Proactive, Purposeful and Fundamentally Prepared for ANY Parenting Challenge You May Face, which can be found at www.worldclassparenting.com.

We go into these in depth in our five, World Class Parenting Program Modules (schedule-friendly and flexible, phone- and internet-based, education, training and coaching programs for parents) dedicated to the five common themes and practices that we have found present in all high-functioning, healthy and happy families.  These include our World Class Parenting Fundamentals module and the four World Class Parenting Cornerstones Modules, course offerings which will be available soon.  The four, Cornerstone Principles include: 1. Creating & Honoring Sacred Agreements, 2. Developing & Gifting Guiding Principles, 3. Maintaining Lifelong Influence, and 4. Putting Relationships First & Building Families with Soul.  Additional information and course schedules will be posted at www.worldclassparenting.com.

In Service,
Frank

Dear Dori and Frank:

Recently my husband and I heard about a teenage girl committing suicide after she was bullied by several classmates – it was all over the news.  In this world today with so many stressors being brought to bear on our children, what would a World Class Parent do to provide the coping tools that would help our children to deal with situations like this?

Really Concerned Mom

Dear Really Concerned Mom:

Dori and I share your concern on this subject.  Times have changed as childhood has been shortened and early adult behavior has been encouraged among young adolescents who really don’t have the skills to act upon them.

The answer to your question lies within the guiding principles you foster and model for your children.  At World Class Parenting we are champions for fully vetted and articulated Family Values, which are one of our Four Cornerstone Principles.  When values are in alignment all decisions are easy to make. Values are used as internal measuring tools by our children to determine whether the action they are about to take is supported by their family and personal values.  If not, their own red flags would go up and cause them to question their choice.  Ideally, as a result, they will choose to engage with you or someone they trust in a conversation or a more constructive act that serves them.

Values define the character or soul of the Family.  Your children will know they are a part of something bigger than just themselves.  This gives them the strength to say “no” when appropriate and it also gives them a clear glimpse of who they are in the world, their personal strength in character; and, of course, self confidence.

The person I’ve just described does not travel on a path of self destruction but seeks those activities and associates who share and honor personal values as a way of life.

This subject is discussed thoroughly under the second Cornerstone Principle of World Class Parenting found in our Handbook for Parents entitled: “Stepping Into the World Class Parenting Mindset: How To Be Proactive, Purposeful and Fundamentally Prepared For ANY Parenting Challenge You May Face” found on our website at www.worldclassparenting.com.

In Service,

Frank