My youngest son, Patrick, the 4^th of our 4 boys, will turn 12 tomorrow.  Soon, he we will be a full-fledged teenager and well on his way to launch, to moving out of our home and into his life and his adventure.  It seems imminent, to me.  My third youngest son, John Robert, who will be 16 in March, is a sophomore and pushing 6 feet tall.  On Friday, he wants to get his learner’s permit.  Ah, it will happen, for sure.  And my second son, Matthew, now 18 and a senior in high school, chose life abroad on a student exchange in Italy over all the milestones he could experience here during his final year of high school.  My stepson, Dan, 27 and married, is a graduate student, a Ph.D. candidate at Stanford, living just far enough away and so consumed by his studies and work that it is difficult to see him, in person, very often.  We are grateful for new technologies and applications like Skype that help us to connect, “face-to-face.”  Time is flying by and I feel it.

As the mother of four boys, I’m hopeful that the old saying, “A daughter is a daughter for the rest of her life.  A son is a son until he takes a wife (or equivalent),” will not fully be our truth.  I will miss them, no matter their quirks, or mine, our issues or challenges.  They made our house a home.

Contemplating their departure brings me to tears, some days.  And on others, all I feel is joy and pride and relief, enjoying the space that’s being created for me, and for my husband and me, and for the life we’ve begun to imagine together after all of our kids have “launched.”

That imagining includes World Class Parenting.  Why?  Because World Class Parenting is as much about building powerful, conscious partnerships, as it is about building purposeful, conscious parents. It keeps me honest and present and it reminds to stay in choice, to actively nurture my relationships with my self and my husband, to keep all of my relationships “up-to-date,” and to be a finisher as it regards actively parenting my boys.  Why?  Because no matter how independent, tall, far away, old, young, playful, assertive, different, contrarian, difficult, or challenging they are, our children need us to love and accept and believe in them, period.

It is the number one thing our World Class Parenting coaching and course participants learn how to do – to begin in love and assume the best; to KNOW that they (the parents) matter and are THE most important source of belief, love, resilience and support for their children, especially during their formative years and throughout adolescence.

While I may not be the first one my children will share their secrets and heart’s desires with over time, I know it matters to them that I was there for them when I was the one they wanted to turn to and that I’m there for them now, still creating the safe container, still ready to listen, always holding them big and with compassion, serving as a resource.  As a World Class Parent, I will not assume that they always know or remember this.  I will forever be here to remind them that they are loved and that they matter, both in word and deed, physically and energetically.

Call to Action: Think about what you can do and how you can be, consciously, to remind your children that they matter and that they are loved.  HINT: You could just tell them this!  NOTE: Avoid apologies, caveats, explanations and the “big hairy but’s” that negate the wonderful things you say/do.  REMEMBER: It’s really that easy.  Just take a deep breath, look them in the eyes, tell them like you mean it, and pause…let the silence work its magic!  You can do it and it matters that you do!

Love,

Dori

We just got back from our first ever trip to Mexico this Memorial Day weekend and it was a wonderful experience shared with 6 other families.  In fact, it was so fun, we’ll probably do it again, soon, and when we do, I’m hoping we’ll stay longer and with full permission to do nothing if we so choose.  Our family returned a day earlier than everyone else because two of our boys started summer school and my husband needed to get back to work.   That was yesterday.

Today, I’m realizing that, while summer school and good work are good things, we all could have used a bit more time “on vacation” than we’d given ourselves.  My boys are scholar athletes and worked hard the entire school year.  They still have sports practices every day and are very reliable and consistent in their attendance and work ethic.  They wouldn’t dream of missing a practice or a class.  I admire them for that and respect their work ethic and commitment to mastery AND I feel the drain and the longing for absolutely nothing to do, without apology, excuse or explanation!

When I picked them up from school yesterday, they seemed drained and ambivalent, struggling to find something good to say about the day.  Today, they were more animated and had more perspective, which is good and speaks to their admirable ability to adapt AND what I’m realizing is that we could really use some more down time, some ‘do nothing and be a sloth’ time, some ‘I don’t have to accomplish or account for anything’ time, some ‘I can sleep in until whenever’ time.  Everyone needs this, now and then.  I know I do.

For some of us, even downtime needs to be scheduled in!

This is valuable time.  It’s when our muscles repair, our bodies rest and our imaginations refresh and begin to flourish anew.

In this very moment, I’m recommitting to creating some space for this in our summer.  I intend to be a vigilant carrier of the downtime flag.  With full permission, we will have at least one week of all of the above and we will enjoy the crap out of it, I am certain of this.  I’m smiling as I imagine it.

Summer School, Sports and Sloth – each can be and is a very good thing.

Call to Action: To moms and dads everywhere, I urge you to join me/us in a bit of refreshing downtime, won’t you?   Schedule it in if you have to!  I would love to hear all about how you spend yours!  Here’s to a day or two or three (or more!) away from the normal routines of life.  Enjoy every minute of it.  Savor every second.  And then share your news and your experiences as they may ignite new fires and inspire more of us to take very needed and wanted breaks.  Enjoy!