Dear Dori and Frank:

Recently my husband and I heard about a teenage girl committing suicide after she was bullied by several classmates – it was all over the news.  In this world today with so many stressors being brought to bear on our children, what would a World Class Parent do to provide the coping tools that would help our children to deal with situations like this?

Really Concerned Mom

Dear Really Concerned Mom:

Dori and I share your concern on this subject.  Times have changed as childhood has been shortened and early adult behavior has been encouraged among young adolescents who really don’t have the skills to act upon them.

The answer to your question lies within the guiding principles you foster and model for your children.  At World Class Parenting we are champions for fully vetted and articulated Family Values, which are one of our Four Cornerstone Principles.  When values are in alignment all decisions are easy to make. Values are used as internal measuring tools by our children to determine whether the action they are about to take is supported by their family and personal values.  If not, their own red flags would go up and cause them to question their choice.  Ideally, as a result, they will choose to engage with you or someone they trust in a conversation or a more constructive act that serves them.

Values define the character or soul of the Family.  Your children will know they are a part of something bigger than just themselves.  This gives them the strength to say “no” when appropriate and it also gives them a clear glimpse of who they are in the world, their personal strength in character; and, of course, self confidence.

The person I’ve just described does not travel on a path of self destruction but seeks those activities and associates who share and honor personal values as a way of life.

This subject is discussed thoroughly under the second Cornerstone Principle of World Class Parenting found in our Handbook for Parents entitled: “Stepping Into the World Class Parenting Mindset: How To Be Proactive, Purposeful and Fundamentally Prepared For ANY Parenting Challenge You May Face” found on our website at www.worldclassparenting.com.

In Service,

Frank

We just got back from our first ever trip to Mexico this Memorial Day weekend and it was a wonderful experience shared with 6 other families.  In fact, it was so fun, we’ll probably do it again, soon, and when we do, I’m hoping we’ll stay longer and with full permission to do nothing if we so choose.  Our family returned a day earlier than everyone else because two of our boys started summer school and my husband needed to get back to work.   That was yesterday.

Today, I’m realizing that, while summer school and good work are good things, we all could have used a bit more time “on vacation” than we’d given ourselves.  My boys are scholar athletes and worked hard the entire school year.  They still have sports practices every day and are very reliable and consistent in their attendance and work ethic.  They wouldn’t dream of missing a practice or a class.  I admire them for that and respect their work ethic and commitment to mastery AND I feel the drain and the longing for absolutely nothing to do, without apology, excuse or explanation!

When I picked them up from school yesterday, they seemed drained and ambivalent, struggling to find something good to say about the day.  Today, they were more animated and had more perspective, which is good and speaks to their admirable ability to adapt AND what I’m realizing is that we could really use some more down time, some ‘do nothing and be a sloth’ time, some ‘I don’t have to accomplish or account for anything’ time, some ‘I can sleep in until whenever’ time.  Everyone needs this, now and then.  I know I do.

For some of us, even downtime needs to be scheduled in!

This is valuable time.  It’s when our muscles repair, our bodies rest and our imaginations refresh and begin to flourish anew.

In this very moment, I’m recommitting to creating some space for this in our summer.  I intend to be a vigilant carrier of the downtime flag.  With full permission, we will have at least one week of all of the above and we will enjoy the crap out of it, I am certain of this.  I’m smiling as I imagine it.

Summer School, Sports and Sloth – each can be and is a very good thing.

Call to Action: To moms and dads everywhere, I urge you to join me/us in a bit of refreshing downtime, won’t you?   Schedule it in if you have to!  I would love to hear all about how you spend yours!  Here’s to a day or two or three (or more!) away from the normal routines of life.  Enjoy every minute of it.  Savor every second.  And then share your news and your experiences as they may ignite new fires and inspire more of us to take very needed and wanted breaks.  Enjoy!